Monthly Archives: October 2006

Squeak

Lately, I will be sitting in my office, working one of my notebook computers, when I will hear what sounds like a mouse coming from my left. Only it’s not a mouse, it’s the hard drive in my desktop. Uh oh. My desktop computer is archaic by today’s standards, containing a measly 1.0 GHz Athlon XP and a mere 512 MB of RAM. So much so that I use it primarily as a file server and an SSH gateway into my notebook (a 2.0 GHz Intel Core Duo with 2.0 GB of RAM).

Looks like it’s time to replace my aging desktop. I’m thinking a 2.x GHz Athlon64 X2 with 4.0 GB of RAM and two high capacity SATA drives in a RAID-1 configuration. Depending on cost, I may even get two CPUs for a quad-core system. Oh yes, that will really make my day.

4:25 A.M.

The blankets pull away from me, exposing the back of my neck to the cold bedroom air. “Dolly,” I complain, reaching to push away the small feline and pull the warm blanket back into position. “Chris,” the whispered voice of my wife reaching my ears while her gentle prodding awakens me, “I think someone is trying to break in.”

I find myself on my feet before I even realize I’ve left the bed. Reaching for my glasses.

Bang!

Crouching to retrieve the cane kept stashed under the bed. My wife whispering, “That’s the fifth time it’s happened.” Without pause, I leave the bedroom, moving in the direction the unknown sound.

Bang!

Weapon at the ready, I flip on the hall light. Fighting is easier when I can see. Quickly, I move down the hall, checking each room on my way to the front of the house. Distant thoughts compete for my attention. Why would it take so long for someone to break into the house? It’s probably just the cats. Still, better safe than sorry. Reassuring squeeze of my cane.

No one in the front room. No one in the kitchen. Pierre pacing anxiously. Toby looking at me expectantly from the back door. Turn on the back patio light. Nothing. Peek through the vertical blinds. Nothing. I glare at Toby. He gazes back up at me, excitement plays across his features.

Back to the bedroom for clothes and a flashlight; I need to secure the perimeter of the house. “Oh my god, Pepper is outside!” exclaims my wife, peering out the bedroom window. Throwing open the guest room door, I find the window still closed and Pepper looking up at me, curiosity playing across her face. Wondering what all the commotion is for, no doubt.

Great, a stray cat has me out of bed at 4:25 A.M. with a weapon in one hand and a flashlight in the other.

Stupid cats.

After this incident I returned to bed, but the receeding adrenaline prevented me from sleeping for another hour or so. There’s a scene in The Last Samurai in which Nathan Algren, played by Tom Cruise, fights four men armed with samurai swords. After winning the fight, he pauses as he replays the movements in his mind. That is not unlike what I felt. From the moment I leaped to my feet until I cleared the house, I had been acting purely on instinct. Only afterwards, safe again in bed, did my concious mind catch up. I found myself reliving each moment in vivid detail.

It’s said that training is bloodless war and war is bloody training. This is a philosophy I’ve held for a long time, but now I understand it at a fundamental level. I’ve always wondered how I would react if my life or the lives of my family were put in danger. In fact, not a day goes by that I don’t entertain those very thoughts. In my years of martial arts experience, this was the first time my training had taken over. I didn’t freeze, I didn’t panic, I didn’t hesitate. I reacted. I could react in this way because I had already trained myself how to respond to just such a situation.

The Three Days (and One Night) of Damian

The San Diego Perl Mongers held a special meeting last night. Damian Conway is in town this week and dropped by to present one of his seminars. Dr. Conway regaled us with tales of Sufficiently Advanced Technologies; some fictional, some he himself has contributed to the CPAN, some we wish would have remained fictional. Unfortunately, my wife was sick and couldn’t make it. She really wanted to find out why I spent the entire week of OSCON 2006 (and the following month) raving about this Damian mad man.

Anyone who has attended one of Damian Conway’s seminars, tutorials, or keynotes will most likely have noticed that aikido will make an appearance once in a while. And for anyone who hasn’t, I highly recommend tracking Damian down. But not in that creepy stalker way. That’s just… creepy. Anyway, Damian knows a bit of aikido (or at least one move). He plucked a good friend of mine, Dan Risse, from the audience to demonstrate a “come-along” move. There was, as with most of Damian’s demonstrations, a good reason for this. I was wildly amused. In fact, I kind of have the itch to practice aikido again.

Sufficiently Advanced Technology is a pared down version of the API design tutorial I attended at OSCON. Memories of the Girl from Ipanema came flooding back to me.

I mentioned that Damian is in town. For the second year in a row, he will be presenting two of his courses over three days at Qualcomm. Fortunately for me, I now work for Qualcomm (I didn’t when he was here last year). I will, of course, be in attendance all three days. By the end of the week I should know much more about Perl Best Practice and Advanced Module Development Techniques.

Needless to say, I’m excited. Hopefully I won’t require psychological counselling.